


An Eye For An Eye

by RobinLoptyr (Umbramatic)



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbramatic/pseuds/RobinLoptyr
Summary: In which Dimitri meets an unusual ally.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	An Eye For An Eye

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry

**An Eye For An Eye**

It was raining in Garreg Mach. Not an uncommon occurrence but today it was pouring particularly hard. And Dimitri was sitting out in it. Alone.

There were many things on his mind today. The tragedy of Duscur, the betrayal of Edelgard, the war ravaging Fodlan... but a new phantom had started to haunt his head.

It was a voice. A voice that was low and deep and almost like it was always on the verge of laughing.

At him.

It taunted him.

"You... How dare... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he screamed into the rain to no one.

"Dude, chill."

Dimitri froze, There, coming from behind him, was the source of the voice, in the flesh, instead of just his head.

:"You... I... I'll..."

He whirled around,

:"I'LL FEED YOUR GUTS TO THE VULTUR-"

He stopped. Standing before him was a short, squat skeleton, in a blue jacket and slippers.

"Joke's on you, I have no guts."

Dimitri stared, as hard as he possibly could with only one eye.

"What... What are you?"

"A skeleton."

"N-no that's obvious but - who are you then?"   
  
"I'm Sans. I've got a bit of a funny bone."

  
"Strange creature, why do you speak in riddles and puns?"

"It's my brand. Also you look like you could use some humor in your life."

The rain started letting up. Dimitri paused.

"I... I guess I could."

"Don't suppose you've got a Grillby's around here? You know, for like, food?:

"No, but... we have tea?"

Sans sighed. "It'll do."

\-------------------

The two were sitting together around a small tea table, with pastries and a pot of tea in the middle. Dimitri gingerly sipped his tea, rocking back and forth in his seat slightly. Sans just kind of... Poked at his cup of tea.   
  
"So," said Dimitri. "Where are you from? I doubt it's Fodlan."

"I'm from the Underground."

"You mean like... the sewers? And I thought the sewer people were a myth."

"No, like... we're monsters, we live under a mountain, there was a barrier, but this nice human set us free. At least in one-"

He grew silent.

"One what?" said Dimitri.

Sans gave a very fake yawn. "I'm too tired to explain."

"...If you say so. Well the Kingdom Of Faregus will welcome you."

"This is like, medieval fantasy land, right?" said Sans. "I'll be fine."

It was then Ashe approached.

"Dimitri! Hello! I've been looking all over for you!"

Dimitri turned to Ashe (not literally).

"Hello, Ashe. Have you met Sans Undertale here?"

Ashe looked over to where Sans was sitting, but could only see an empty chair.

"Uh... Sorry Dimitri, I don't see anyone..."

"...Whar? What?! Sans is right there, you're looking right at hin!"

Sans just awkwardly waved at Ashe.

"Er, did... something... hit you... on the head?" Ashe said, slowly backing off.

"No... It can't be... He's there, I'm telling the truth!" said Dimitri    
  
"I'll... I'lll go get Marianne!" said Ashe, running off.

"Er, bro, you might wanna chill," said Sans.

"No...I'll show them you're real! I'll show them all!"

He picked up Sans - who yelped - and carried him off. 

\---------

"Look at him! Look at him! Look at him! I want you all to look at him!"

  
Dimitri ran around, shoving Sans into people's faces. Most just backed or ran away, or laughed only to stop when Dimitri gave them a menacing glare.

Finally Dimitri stumbled over to Byleth. 

  
"Can you see him? You probably can't, I'm probably wasting my ti-

Byleth's eyes widened and he gave Sans a quick tap on the forehead.

"That tickles," said Sans.

"Professor... You... You can see him?"

Byleth nodded.

"Excellent! You can explain to the others what's going on." 

Byleth tilted his head.

"Actually... Sans, what did bring you here?"

"I was bored," said Sans. "Plus you seem like you could use the help?"

The eyebrow over Dimitri's good eye raised. "Help with what?"

It was then Ashe came over with Marianne. "There he is!" Ashe said. 

"Please, hold still while I heal your head injury!" said Marianne. "You will feel a few moments of excruciating pain, but that's normal for this spell and you'll be all better right after!"

"Wait, what? I don't need this!" said Dimitri.

Byleth waved his hands in a "woah, slow down" gesture.

"Relax, he knows me from Smash," said Sans.   
  


Byleth gave a "kind of" gesture.

"Wait..." said Marianne. "Byleth, do you see it too?"

Byleth nodded vigorously. Marianne paused. 

"...Oh goodness, you must ALSO have a head injury!" she said. "Hold still while I-"

And just like that Byleth, Dimitri, and Sans were gone.

\-----------------

The three were now in the sewers. Water dripped around them and there were unsightly lumps Dimitri avoided touching.

Byleth tapped his forehead.

"He says he has connections down here." said Sans.

"...Oh. Right. Yuri and his friends. Anyway, Sans, what did you say you were here for?"

"I wanted to talk. About your sis."

Dimitri scowled. "What of her?"

"You two need to talk."

"No. Disgusting. I refuse."

"Listen, me and my bro butt heads too and like, it doesn't start wars but I see myself in you. And I've seen timelines back home where things could get bad. Real bad. And I don't want your timeline to end up like those."

Byleth nodded.

"Byleth here reminds me of this kid I know. Went through a lot of paths in their timelines. A lot of them were real bad. But they eventually settled on a good one. I know Byleth is trying to do... somewhat like that."

Byleth nodded again.

Sans yawned. "Man being altruistic is exhausting. But really, talk to her."

  
"Suggest that again and I'll grind those bones of yours into powder."

"Rude."

Byleth struck a thinking pose, then bent down and signed something to Sans. Sans nodded and turned to Dimitri again.

"Would you do it for some tasty weeds?"

Dimitri's eyebrow arched over his good eye again. "Not even for that."

"What if I had a killer supply of weeds. The tastiest weeds I could ever stuff down your gullet. An infinite smorgaspoard."

"Tempting but still no."

Sans leaned forward. "I have  _ the _ weed."

"...Fine. Fine, I will talk to her. But I cannot guarantee it will end well for either of us."

"Great!" said Sans. "But... How do we get there? I never bothered to bring a map."

"You imbecile!" said Dimitri. "You're the one who proposed-"

The two noticed Byleth beckoning them further down the sewer tunnel.

"Let's follow him!" Sans said.

And so they did.

\---------------

The three emerged from a sewer grate right outside of a castle.

"Impossible... This is Enbarr, capital of the Adrestian Empire!" said Dimitri.

Byleth nodded and smirked.

"Well we just need to get inside then," said Sans.

"We need disguises," said Dimitri.

\---------------

The three were now wearing baggy brown cloaks.

  
"Perfect!" said Dimitri.

The three walked up to some guards. 

"Excuse me we're-" Dimitri started to say.

"Hot dog salesmen," said Sans.

"What?" said Dimitri. "That's ridiculou-"

Byleth nudged him and he sighed. "Hot dog salesmen."

"What are these... Hot dogs?" said one of the guards.

Sans produced a platter of hot dogs that Byleth passed to the guards, and the guards passed around and tasted, their faces lighting up in delight.

"These are wonderful!" said one.

"We're delivering them to the Emperor," said Dimitri, suddenly getting an idea. "They could potentially solve world hunger."

"Of course! Usher them in straight away!"

And the group was indeed ushered in.

\----------

The three walked inside, through the winding corridors, all the way up to the throne room.

There, on the throne, was Edelgard, Hubert by her side as always. Dimitri whipped his cloak off.

"YOU!"

  
"YOU!" Edelgard said right back.   
  


"Stand by, Edelgard, I will dispose of him sho-"

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on!" said Sans, removing his cloak and waving his hands. Byleth sighed and removed his as well.

"The old professor too? What is the meaning of this?" said Edelgard.

Dimitri sighed. "The skeleton you can't see wants us to talk."

"....Talk about what?"

"Our issues, apparently."

Byleth nodded.

"But... Why? After everything?"

Sans whispered into Dimitri's ear, leading Dimitri to reply.

"Because our sibling feud is hurting a lot more than just us."

Edelgard thought a second. Hubet twiddled his fingers in annoyance.

"...Fine. Let's talk." said Edelgard. "But it's not going to end well."

\--------------------------

The meeting for a peace treaty between Faergus and Adrestia was a rousing success. Reform spread through both nations. Peace was on the way to Fodlan.

During a festival celebrating the alliance, as a crowd outside the castle rejoiced, Edelgard and Dimitri approached Sans and Byleth. 

"I just wanted to say... Thank you for helping make this possible professor!" said Dimitri.

"He had a little help," said Dimitri, winking at Sans in a way that looked like blinking because of the eyepatch. Sans winked back.

The two royal siblings left, and then Sans turned to Byleth.

"You saw them too huh? All those icky bad end timelines."

Byleth nodded gravely.

"Yeah, like, I know the feeling," said Sans. "I've been there. But a certain kid a lot like you... the one who made the good decisions anyway... they taught me to care just a little."

Byleth gave Sans a pat. Sans smiled.

"Well, you owe me one for help untangling those! Say hi to the guys in Smash for me."

Byleth, uncharacteristically, grinned as they gave a thumbs up.

\-----------------

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT SANS!" said Papyrus, shaking his controller with glee. "THEY ADDED A HAPPY ENDING! IT'S WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED FOR THIS GAME!"

Sans, laying next to him on the couch, groaned. "Pipe down, will you?"

"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR HYPING RESPONSIBLY!" said Papyrus. He put a hand to his chin. "THOUGH... I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT THIS NEW DLC ROUTE BEFORE... AND I THOUGHT THE DLC WAS DONE AFTER ASHEN WOLVES... AND I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ALPHYS AND UNDYNE ABOUT IT EVEN THOUGH THEY RECOMMENDED ME THIS GAME."

Sans shrugged with a smirk. "It's not like I did it."

  
"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T," said Papyrus. "LAZYBONES."   
  
***

**Author's Note:**

> Happy April Fools y'all


End file.
